Alicia has been attending big school for two weeks now, albeit on a part time basis. She absolutely loves it and has made friends easily. She was so excited to bring home a book from the school library, which we were to keep and enjoy for the week, ready to return and choose again the next Friday. I was quite excited too as I love books and read to each of the Neilson babies individually every night – they are never too young!!  So… school is great but Alicia’s behaviour at home has gone down hill drastically. The leaflets sent out by the school did warn of this, citing a couple of factors. Firstly that the kids are likely to be exhausted by the new school routine, and secondly that as they have to be on their best behaviour during school hours they may want to let off steam when they are at home. I didn’t believe it at the time… but oh boy I definitely do now!   On Friday morning Alicia screamed from the minute she got up. Let me give you a few examples, please imagine them being screamed in a high-pitched screech so that you can get the full picture!

‘YOU ARE THE WORST MUMMY IN THE WORLD!!!!’
‘I WONT GET DRESSED. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!’ ‘NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!’

I tried talking to her calmly, I tried cuddles, I tried reasoning, then I resorted to bribing with cakes and computer time, then more cuddles, more bribes, a few goes on the naughty step but nothing worked. At 8.10 I had a screaming child still in pyjamas – we have to leave at 8.20 for the school run.

Drastic times call for drastic measures. Super Nanny wouldn’t be proud but I took her to her room and said in my loudest high-pitched screech:

‘IT’S NOT NICE WHEN YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT, I REALLY DONT LIKE IT, AND YOU WONT GET WANT YOU WANT, SO PLEASE DON’T DO IT!!!!!!!’  

I screamed so loud that I thought my eyes were going to pop out. I stopped as soon as I had started and asked her in a very calm voice whether she liked it when I spoke that way. I wanted her to understand how it felt to be spoken too the way she speaks to me. Well, she cried for a few seconds and said quietly ‘no Mummy’. I explained that we don’t behave this way and that the greatest gift in life is to make others smile, not to make them sad and feel angry. I actually think I really scared her. We kissed and hugged then she went to school.

When I picked her up she was fine although very tired. I on the other hand had spent the morning mulling over how I could have handled things differently, thinking of the reasons behind her behaviour, and generally feeling like the worst mother in the world and wondering how I could make things up to her. I also ached all over and had a very sore throat from my efforts at emulating her behaviour!

I think that she is just realising that Gracie and Sonny get to spend their mornings with Mummy doing fun stuff whilst she is at school. With that in mind I am going to make a real fuss of her next week so that she knows she is very special, and of course very loved.

Before I was a mum I was a woman and a wife – I’d like to think I was a fairly intelligent, independent, stylish, spontaneous, fun-loving kind of a girl with a healthy career and a fantastic relationship with my husband. I find that it’s quite hard to maintain that persona when my main focus is to be a Mum – sensible, caring, not so stylish, organised, no career and a different relationship with my husband! Whilst I wouldn’t change being a Mum for the world I do still want to have it all!

With three kids it’s near on impossible to return to my job, even if the childcare costs of three children weren’t an issue, the pressure of my old job and raising the babies certainly would be too much. I don’t think that I’d be able to give anything my full attention and I never do anything unless I know I can commit to do it well. However after giving up a job I worked so hard to get, I found it really difficult to accept that I was now a ‘housewife’ or a ‘homemaker’ – what do you say at dinner parties?! For a while I said, “I used to work in Compliance for a major financial institution but now I am taking a break to raise the kids”, but after three years of not working you can’t really say that anymore. Up until recently I’d been a little embarrassed to say; “actually I stay at home raising my three children and looking after the house”. It’s taken a while but I am now proud to make that statement, indeed privileged to be able to do so (especially as I know that I work a whole lot harder each day than I ever did in the office!).

That said I’d begun to feel that I needed more of a challenge – something to stimulate my brain and keep me in the game. I started to look for voluntary positions that would use my existing skills and also give me the opportunity to expand my repertoire. My local hospital has just applied for NHS Foundation Trust status and was looking for Governors to serve on their Board – aha I thought, I could be good at this! I attended the information awareness meetings and decided that I’d go for it. I applied for the post and had to go through a very formal election process, submitting an election statement and putting myself up for the vote. Last week I received a phone call for the Trust saying I had been elected for one year! I am very excited to get my teeth stuck into something again and am looking forward to starting my training. The post is unpaid but it is something that can fit around the children. I have to attend 3 meetings a year and do some work at home but it will not encroach into my day with the kids. It will also look good on my CV if I decide to return to employment when the kids reach school age.

As a wife I have to find the time to be there for my husband. We obviously can’t go out every weekend for a meal or do anything spontaneous, but we do make the most of the time we have. I hardly see Mark in the week so our weekends are precious. I always make sure that I put my make up on and wear something nice, and I try to stock the fridge up so that we have tasty lunches etc. Instead of going out we try to do different things at home rather than getting stuck doing jobs and going to bed. Last weekend we had a film night – it was Mark’s turn to choose so we bought some crisps, chocolates and popcorn, carried the duvet downstairs, pulled the sofa in front of the telly, shut the curtains, turned off the lights and watched Rambo! It wasn’t the best film I’d ever seen but we made it special by making an effort. This weekend we had a Martini evening – we bought ingredients to make Cranberry Vodka Martinis, cooked tapas and watched Casino. It just goes to show that staying in can be fun and special if you make the effort!

Where do I start this week?!? Alicia decided to draw on her bed with blue biro – all over the covers and the paintwork. Next she drew over her china play tea set, then she bit her best friend’s finger (‘but she was about to kick me Mum!&rsquo and polished off the week nicely by spending most of her swimming lesson sat on the side because she didn’t want to do anything. I’ve also had problems keeping Gracie out of the fridge: snacking and playing with the contents. I caught her spreading soft cheese and butter all over her wooden play toast (it was quite cute though so I snuck up with the camera and caught her in action). Arghhh!

I have decided not to dwell on those incidents though, and instead share the wonderful times we have had. We were so excited to find that there was fruit on our strawberry plants! The girls were thrilled with the ‘fruits’ of their labour – I’ve attached a couple of pictures of the proud moment when two months of hard work were devoured in a few seconds!

We also finally got around to decorating the spare room for Alicia. We are switching everyone around – Sonny will go in the nursery, Gracie will move out of the nursery and into Alicia’s room, and Alicia will have a new room – confused?? It meant we only had to decorate one room. We didn’t let Alicia in to the room until it was finished. I was so excited; it is a perfect little girl’s room. I wish I was 4 again and it was my room! We captured the moment on camera Changing Rooms style.

Next week we are off on hols. We are going to the south of France with a quick stop at Disney on the way down. We haven’t told the girls about Disney so it should be a huge surprise when we pull up at the hotel!

Gracie and her kitchen antics

The green-fingered girls with their strawberries

 Our Changing Rooms moment

 

This week I wanted to hand in my notice as a Mum and go back to working 9-5. Alicia has reverted to having toddler tantrums – screaming and crying if she doesn’t get her way, not listening or doing as she is told and generally being difficult. We went to Mothercare to get the girls’ feet measured in the in-store Clarks section. Their feet hadn’t grown at all so we didn’t need to buy any new shoes… thank goodness as they are so expensive!! I did need a few other bits and bobs though, and it took ages because Alicia wanted to show me all of the things she wanted. Then when we were in the queue she wanted to show me something else but I couldn’t leave my spot, that was it – full on toddler strop in the middle of the shop – she ran away so I had to leave Sonny in the buggy, pick up Gracie and dash off to find her as I hate losing sight of any of them. I tried to reason with her but in the end I had to pick her up and take her out of the shop. Other Mums with babies were looking at me disapprovingly: something I never do as I am sure it happens to all Mums at some stage, in fact I make a real point of smiling. I rarely lose my temper or shout at the kids, believing instead that reasoning, time out and rewarding good behaviour shows a better example to them. It does exhaust me when I have days like this though.

 

I have learnt ways of coping:

• My mantra is – ‘everything is just a phase’, I know that each difficult stage will pass.
• I remind myself that the good times outweigh the bad 100%. I think of the fun we have or the sound of their laughs – Sonny has really started to giggle!
• I read a book once which said that children need our love the most when we feel they don’t deserve it. They usually behave badly if something is wrong, or they are ill or are feeling out of sorts, or something is bothering them – that’s when they need us to love them the most.
• I never hold a grudge against the children, or let their behaviour change my behaviour towards them. Once I have sorted a problem, and everyone is calm we apologise to each other, then that’s the end of it, we smile, hug and move on.
• Each day is a new day!
• Time for me - I use the most relaxing Aromatherapy Associates bath oil when I have had a bad day. I look forward to it all day and when I step out of the bath I am human again! I also have a facial once a month which really relaxes me.
• I look at them when they are sleeping and realise how much I love them and how lucky I am to stay at home with them.

 

I have included a couple of pictures showing the fun times we have had this week which make the tough times seem irrelevant. The snow today was great fun – the look on the girls faces when we opened the curtains was priceless!

Fun times with the kids… what a change a few days can make to the weather!